He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Randomize
