i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
we're making bets on your personal life
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
