Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Randomize
