hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
