Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
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