Where did you get a picture of my penis
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Randomize
