can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Randomize
