i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
3 2 1 whiskey
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Randomize
