im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
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