I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
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