Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize