I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
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