Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
