I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
Where is the hickey?
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Randomize
