well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
