If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Randomize
