why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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