My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
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