What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize