I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Randomize
