i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Randomize
