I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
