Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Randomize
