I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Randomize
