I just made out with a guy for $7.
That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Randomize
