He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Randomize
