That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
