Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Randomize