best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Randomize
