census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
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