hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
