She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
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