spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
