My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
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