we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
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