your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
