I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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