We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
