Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Randomize
