You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
