your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Randomize
