He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
Randomize
