How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
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