It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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