He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
