Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Enjoy the penises
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
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