I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Randomize
