I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Randomize
