Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize