My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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