Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
True strength comes from lack of pants
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
