glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
