I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
