He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
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