I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
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