If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Randomize
