Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Randomize
