Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Just pee around me
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
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