I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
