so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
