this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
