This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
