you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Randomize
