he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Randomize
