Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
