Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
She bit a glass in half.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
