My liver just broke up with me...
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
