if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
