he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
You are a booty call, not a friend.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
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