if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize