all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
I just blew my weed a kiss
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
