he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
